Farce and furious invasion
THE Daily Chilli’s special correspondent Manwith Noname (embedded in Kg Sambal Belacan) gives a farcical Twitter account of the first few hours of Malaysia’s invasion by Indonesia’s Benteng Demokrasi Rakyat (Bendera) on Friday.
9.02am: 77 sampans carrying 1,500 Bendera vigilante volunteers land at Tanjung Bidara, Malacca. They are carrying bamboo sticks, spears and parangs.
9.05am: Oops. There were actually 78. One with 15 men on board diverted to Singapore as news of the island republic’s first topless car wash had piqued their interest
9.30am: All taxis and chartered vehicles in Malacca hijacked by the invaders. They are driven to Kuala Lumpur, the main focus of the attack.
11.05: Invaders arrive in KL and break up into groups. The biggest group of 1,000 move towards Dataran Merdeka.
11.20am: Federal Reserve Unit troops deployed to Dataran Merdeka gone into hiding at mamak shops and kopitiams in the area.
11.22am: FRU shields and batons are rendered ineffective against bamboo sticks, spears and parangs of the invaders. Even the pepper spray, ever so effective in illegal demonstrations in the past, doesn't work.
11.25am: I am hungry. No breakfast.
12.05pm: Twitter land is abuzz about smoke seen billowing from Parliament House.
12.07pm: But report from the ground says it’s just MPs who are in emergency session and still defying the smoking ban in Parliament lobby.
12.43pm: About 100 invaders heading towards Puduraya. Fifty want to get to Ipoh and the other 50 to Penang (part of the invasion plan).
12.45pm: Those bound for Ipoh board a bus and go off. The Penang-bound invaders are still waiting for the driver and conductor who have gone for teh tarik.
1pm: Another group of about 50 invaders is seen in front of Angkasapuri at the Federal Highway. Their intention is to seize control of the national radio and TV station.
1.08pm: Fax from Football Association of Malaysia says Saturday’s Malaysia Cup matches are on as scheduled if the invaders don’t take over stadiums.
1.15pm: The highways are generally quiet except for the occasional Mat Rempits.
1.18pm: The Angkasapuri “raiders” have still not entered the building. They are standing by the roadside watching the Mat Rempits in action. They begin to place bets on who will win the road race.
1.30: The 1,000 invaders at Dataran Merdeka are having nasi lemak bungkus and kopi-o ais at the padang. It is not known who provided them the food and drinks. The FRU personnel are still nowhere in sight.
1.45: The Penang-bound invaders are still at Puduraya. The bus driver and conductor are back but the bus has a flat tyre now.
1.48pm: Unconfirmed sources say the bus is not roadworthy and had a day earlier failed Puspakom’s smoke emission test.
1.50pm: I am hungry. No breakfast, no lunch.
Illustration by Hassan Bahri
1.51pm: A group of 30 invaders is at KLCC Twin Towers. The lifts are jammed and they can’t enter. They are looking up and wondering what is a bridge doing so high up when there’s no river or sea below.
1.54pm: Since they are no Spidermen, they are wishing they had brought some ropes along to scale the structure.
2.00pm: Five hours after the invaders’ landing, still no reports of bloodshed. They all seem to be distracted by or occupied with one thing or other.
2.15pm: News has it that the invaders want to take over media offices. Kg Sambal Belacan seems safe though. I am very, very hungry.
2.18pm: Banging and thumping on my office door. Oh no! It must be them.
2.20pm: I can hear shouts. Oh no! They are breaking down the door!
2.21pm: They are in. Three of them. Right behind me.
2.22pm: Aaaarrrghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Note from The Daily Chilli: Transmission was interrupted at 2.22pm. It seems that our special correspondent is the first casualty of this invasion. Poor guy. Didn’t even have breakfast or lunch. We will send over a replacement correspondent once the mess in the office has been cleaned up.
Published Oct 9, 2009
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